What Arsenal would be like this season if you believe the press

According to the deeply ‘Arsenophobic’ British media, everyone wants out of the Gunners. A large majority of the British papers, tabloids and websites are reporting of gloom at Ashburton Grove. Seemingly, the open secret of Cesc Fabregas’ affair with Barcelona is not enough. French playmaker Samir Nasri, according to them, turned down a contract extension offer from Arsenal and wants to move to Manchester United, Manchester City, AS Roma, Inter Milan or even Chelsea. Gael Clichy, Arsenal’s only remaining member of the invincibles wants a move away from the Emirates with AS Roma, Liverpool, PSG and Manchester City ready to snap him up while winger Theodore James Walcott is wanted by Chelsea’s new boss Andre-villas Boas.

Vice-captain Robin van Persie is alarmed at the clear out at Arsenal and has also grown tired with the lack of silverware hence wants to move to Tottenham Hotspurs to win trophies. The world’s funniest man, Emmanuel Eboue is looking for a switch to either White Hart Lane or QPR. The ‘world best striker’ Nicklas Bendtner wants to move to Sporting Lisbon or Borussia Dortmund to play in his preferred position. Neves Denilson Perreira is tired of waiting for trophies and wants to go to Roma to realise his dream. Even the russian assasin Andrei Arshavin is wanted by Turkish giants Galatasaray.

Blues owner Roman Abromavich, meanwhile, wants to poach Gunners chief scout Steve Rowley. And as if that is not enough, Arsenal is being linked to all sellable players especially if they are British and burly. Arsenal want to sign Cahill and Samba to replace the awful Djourou and Koscielny. Wenger is targeting the disciplined Scott Parker to replace the slow and wasteful Alex Song. The club wants Leighton Baines or Jose Enrique to replace Clichy. They also intend to sign Argentinian Ricardo Alvarez to take up Fabregas’ position. Juan Mata will be brought in to replace Nasri while Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Gervinho have already been drafted in to replace Walcott and Bendtner.

The media continues to balance its imaginary squadsheet by buying John O’Shea to replace Eboue. David Villa, Karim Benzema, Samuel Eto’o, Pedro, Lassana Diara, Aly Cissokho, Daniel de Rossi, Jeremy Menez, Eden Hazard, Neven Subotic, Mathieu Valbuena and Gianluigi Buffon are all headed to north London. No wonder the traffic snarl-up near the Emirates. But Arsenal fans need to sample these stories with some sense of maturity.

When I was young, I only used to trust the BBC and Skysporst for transfer news. But nowdays I wait till Arsenal.com announce any transfer deals. How am I going to believe the same people who told me Cesc had signed a contract with Barca last summer after the World Cup and now they are reporting that Barca still want him? According to the media, Chamberlain’s was a done deal by May. Gervinho and Alvarez had already been signed last week. Yet this week we are told no bids have been tabled. The Mirror reported that Van Persie and Eboue didn’t want to leave the Gunners, now it is saying they want to leave. Next week there are going to be reports of many more rumours.

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Maybe Manchester City want to sign Arsenal’s butler or Hill-Wood wants to join Chelsea as their spokesman, or the reliable and British best Robert Green is wanted by Wenger to replace his blunderous young Pole, so woeful that his name cant be pronounced. Or the charismatic and successful Sam Allardyce has been contacted about taking up Wenger’s position.

What the fans need to understand is that 2 or 3 players will depart and Wenger will replace them and strengthen other positions. That is what he meant by his comments about a busy summer. The projected clearout won’t happen because:
1) Arsenal is not a sinking ship much as the media would want us to believe.

2) Wenger is not foolish and won’t watch as his side collapse. He will know what to do.

So as you sample today’s daily, take in the news diligently. Anytime a newspaper claims’a source close to the player…’or’ a senior source at the club, just ignore the story as the writer’s gut-feeling or attempt at filling the pages.

Don’t tear your skin when you see a headline screaming “ARSENAL PREPARED TO BREAK BANK TO SIGN MUAMMAR GHADDAFFI TO PLUG THEIR LEAKY DEFENCE” or “ARSENAL HAVE SIGNED FORMER LEGEND BOB WILSON TO REPLACE THE DEPARTING MANUEL ALMUNIA” Just smile because ARSENE KNOWS!!

Keep the faith !

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